Have you seen this phrase before? It’s frequently used on invitations as a nicer way of saying “no gifts.” And in celebrating my birthday this past week, it was absolutely true for me.
Dan and I moved to Boston about 12 years ago, and it took us a full five years to feel like we had finally found a community. We met some wonderful people in those first few years—many of whom we still keep in touch with—but New England is a notoriously difficult place to connect with people, and that was certainly true in our case. Having experienced that lack of community makes us keenly appreciate it now, even if it is constantly in flux (the Boston area is also highly transient, so most of the friends we do make end up moving away at some point). We are currently at what Dan calls “low tide” in terms of friendships—the result of people moving or changing our regular point of connections so we don’t see them as often. But for my birthday, some of my favorite people came together to help me celebrate, and it was awesome. I enjoyed everything from well wishes on Facebook (never underestimate the power of a “happy birthday” from people you’re not regularly in contact with!) to having my parents in town to a wonderful dinner with good friends (I haven’t laughed so hard in years, and my hilarious friend Trish blogged about it here) to being surprised by friends who made a last-minute trip from New York City. As I said, it was awesome.
I wrote in my book about the importance of a strong social network in keeping you emotionally and physically healthy as you get older. The truth of that is resonating especially clearly in the wake of my birthday week. And I’m so thankful that it’s not one of those things you have to suffer through in the present to get to the payoff down the road. There’s an incredible benefit right now. Even several days after life has returned to normal, I am more energized/motivated/productive, I’ve been sleeping really well, and I feel secure enough to take risks in other areas of my life (like pitching story ideas to magazines, which, even at this point in my career, comes with more rejection than I care to face) because of that wonderful sense of community. It’s hard for me to meet new people—I’m shy and introverted—but being reminded of how much I love the end result makes me more willing to make the effort to reach out again and try to build new relationships, to bring us back to “high tide.” What are your favorite ways to make new friends?
I just moved. We are near family (who are “friends”), but I don’t feel I have friendships outside of family yet.
I think that a favorite way to make new friends is to join a group with shared interests. Before I moved, I actually found a group of ladies on meetup.com who were forming a book club. I met them in a coffee shop, and we started doing monthly book clubs. The women in that group became very good friends, and hanging out with “book club” became synonymous with hanging out those gals. (And we often met more than once a month.) I miss them in my new city.